ways to get killed by
by Komiyan
Summary: Ways to get killed by various Naruto Characters. This is really old, so don't judge it too harshly.
1. Deidara 83

83 Ways to get Killed by Deidara  
(sidetrack for Im HIS Daughter?!?!?!?)

Dedicated to xTayuya and li-chan, who have repeatedly asked me for this. Thanks guys (or not read and decide for yourself)

WARNINGS:  
#1: Remember kids, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!  
#2: Only do this when your name is Hebitsuki, youre an Akatsuki member, and you can actually beat Deidara  
#3: Dont try to copy/steal this, or ILL FEAKING TORTURE YOU WITH A DUCK AND A CATAPULT UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY WISH YOU HAD SNIFFED MY SPORT SOCKS ehm - A RECENTLY DETONATED POISONOUS BOMB!  
#4: If you want me to write one for you, all you have to do is ask...

83 Ways to get killed by Deidara

1. Put a bra on his bed (make it pink and frilly) when hes sitting in the kitchen with the other Akatsuki members  
2. Walk over to the kitchen and call him a girl  
3. When he protests, cock an eyebrow at him, walk to his room and open the door to reveal a pink, frilly bra on his bed.  
4. Take pictures of this  
5. Take it back to the kitchen and show it to the others, as well as the pictures  
6. When he runs after you and tells you that it isnt his and that he isnt a girl, ask what the hell the bra is for then.  
7. Make sure everyone hears this  
8. Write Ultra-pervert on his forehead with waterproof felt tip pen  
9. Feed the mouths in his hands Toffees when hes asleep  
10. When he wakes up, finds out that he cant open them and comes running to you, asks if hes either A: been sniffing glue, or B: has accidentally switched his Decaf coffee with Itachis espresso again  
11. But for the record: Blame Tobi anyway  
12. Enjoy the show  
13. And while youre at it, tape it as well  
14. Tend to Tobis wounds  
15. Then proceed to announcing to the entire Akatsuki that Deidara and toby have Finally become friends, and maybe even a little more insert suggestive wink here  
16. Then SUBTLY tell that Deidaras into SM  
17. Call Tobi in  
18. Control your laughter and make sure you caught all of that (including the othersfaces) on tape  
19. Show it to Deidara  
20. Run  
21. While running, explain that it was Hidan who brought it up, not you  
22. Pray for Hidans soul.  
23. After taking care of Hidans wounds as well, subtly mention that Deidara still wets his bed every so-often  
24. Then jump, and Tell him to ASOLUTELY tell NO ONE about this  
25. Somehow feed Kisame a sleeping pill  
26. The next morning, when all of the Akatsuki (except for Kisame) is discussing Deidaras little problem, wake him up and kick him into the kitchen  
27. While everyone is eyeing Deidara suspiciously, sneak into his room, throw water over his covers and hang them outside, so they can be seen from the kitchen window.  
28. For an even better effect: write his name on them, Paint Narutos face on them, and attach an I LOVE SASORI tag to them  
29. Re-enter the kitchen and yell HEY LOOK, NARUTO! While pointing at the window  
30. Videotape the reactions of the others  
31. When he glares around and asks who did that, innocently notice that Kisames not there  
32. That evening, while Deidara and Ssori discuss art over Deidaras homemade sushi, Interrupt them and announce that you agree with Sasori upon the theory that art is, infact, something eternal  
33. Do said thing while absentmindedly drawing a perfect circle (which is the sign of eternity)  
34. Steal his clay  
35. Blow up his bed with it (most preferably while hes in it)  
36. Place a barrier over his room and refuse to remove it until he gives you a cookie  
37. When he gets you one, yell Oh, so thats the way things are goiung to be, huh?  
38. Start to cry and storm off, alerting all the others with this  
39. Make sure to collect the tapes from your hidden cameras that recorded Deidaras big beating up by the rest  
40. Re-style his hair so it looks just like narutos  
41. ACCIDENTALLY flush the toilet when hes showering  
42. Do said thing 33 times in a row  
43. When he comes running to you angrily, Scream, cover your eyes and start to sob that you are not ready for this.  
44. When he tries to be nice, walk away and act offended  
45. Kill his teddy bear  
46. sign him up for Girls , COSMOgirl , and Shoujo magazine .  
47. For the record: Itachi did it  
48. Comfort Deidara, cuz Itachi beat him up when he came running at him angrily  
49. Get him to a shrink  
50. Threaten said shrink so he only answers all that Deidara says with but how does that feel for YOU? (example: Deidara: IM GOING TO FREAKING KILL YOU!!! Shrink: but how does that feel for you?  
51. Bury the shrinks remains somewhere nice and quiet  
52. Paint Deidaras room pink  
53. add some Barbie wallpaper  
54. call him and Barbie otaku  
55. when he asks why, point at his hair and say : Youre even trying to LOOK like her  
56. Show the others his room  
57. Tape the following scene.  
58. apply ointment to your bruises  
59. put tampons in his toilet (classical stunt)  
60. hold a sleepover in his (still very pink) room with everyone but him  
61. Hold a contest on grapejuice drinking  
62. Have fun  
63. Tape it all  
64. Put glue all over his bed while he is asleep (and the others are too)  
65. Do the same to Hidans body  
66. put Hidan on his stomach next to Deidaras bed  
67. Scream EW, YOU PERVS! NOT HERE! and make a sound as if someone falls off of a bed  
68. Control your laughter for a moment to push the camera button and tape the reactions of the others  
69. Now RUN  
70. When you come out of hiding two hours later, poison his food with laughing poison  
71. Ask why hes so happy  
72. show him THIS ( Amv.  
73. Show it to the rest of the Akatsuki as well, and say Deidara made it  
74. Watch the play The death of deidara ( performed by The akatsuki ) and videotape it  
75. Do the team rocket dance  
76. squeel in his ear  
77. smile at him everytime you see him  
78. sneak scorpions into his bed at night  
79. watch him run and tape it  
80. put him Sasori next to him in his bed asleep  
81. Wake them up by screaming RAPE!!!!  
82. Censure this part out of your video tape (too violent...)  
83. Tell Deidara itll all be allright

Well, thats it for now, sorry it was shorter than usual, but (as Deidara-chan usually says) Art is supposed to be a Blast, hn!

Owari! Please comment me, and if you want one made of a character from naruto or another show (as long as I know it, ask me, I know a lot) .Just message me, and Il try to do it for ya  
Ways to get Killed by Deidara  
(sidetrack for Im HIS Daughter?!?!?!?)

Dedicated to xTayuya and li-chan, who have repeatedly asked me for this. Thanks guys (or not read and decide for yourself)


	2. Itachi 109

109 Ways to get kiled by Uchiha Itachi

1: Have a sleepover party in his room  
2: Dont tell him about it  
3: Invite sasuke, naruto, kakashi and Jiraia  
4: Tell him how cute sasuke is over and over again  
5: Buy him pink contacts and declare red is not his colour  
6: Tell him sasuke laughed at you  
7: get on his lap everytime he sits down and refuse to get off  
8: when he throws you off, cry  
9: Kick Hidan and blame Itachi  
10: Hide kisame in a closet and serve Itachi Sharckfin soup  
11: after that, give him some sushi (handmade)  
12: then accidentaly notice kisame being gone  
13: Videotape his reaction  
14: Paint his cape pink  
15: theres some paint left, so do his hair as well  
16: Bite his nose at random moments  
17: when on a mission, declare you are to tired to walk and let him carry you piggyback  
18: Paint his nails pink and gold  
19: read his diary and then sell it online  
20: Tell him orochimaru did it  
21: Wake him up every morning by pouring icewater down his boxers  
22: use his underwear to decorate the akatsuki hideouts walls with  
23: Blame Hidan  
24: Give him the book: Evil for dummies for his birthday and declare he can use it  
25: Make the entire Akatsuki sing Happy birthday to you for him  
25: Give him all kinds of nicknames like bunnyor Koneko  
26: make sure to do so in the prescence of the akatsuki members  
27: Declare him your eternal love  
28: then explain carefully why sasuke is so cute  
29: offer him ballet lessons for his birthday  
30: offer them to sasuke too  
31: videotape the entire scenario  
32: Offer him a life  
33: Sing whats your horoscope for today everytime he opens his mouth  
34: Paint his fingernails ping and gold  
35: hide the nailpolish under Kisames bed  
36: bite his nose at random moments  
37: when hes asleep, put his hand in a glass of water  
38: the next morning you ask him why he is airing his futon all of a sudden  
39: when he blushes, tell him it can happen to anyone  
40: make sure all the akatsuki members hear that  
41: when hes in the shower, scream FIRE IN THE HOUSE !!!  
42: when he comes running out, put your hands over your eyes and pretend to puke  
43: tell him that you doubt who is the older brother of sasuke and him after this little incident  
44: declare he looks like an 80 years old man with that stupid stray hat  
45: pimp said hat (loads of pink, yellow and white, involving flowers, hearts and such)  
46: When hes in the bath, steal his clothes  
47: tell him Santa will buy him new ones  
48: Buy him jeans that are way too tight and a pink shirt  
49: Write I Love Sasuke on the shirt  
50: tell him the I love Mum shirts were already gone  
51: Paint his akatsuki ring light blue  
52: send him back to the academy  
53: when on a mission, declare you are too tried to walk and let him carry you piggyback  
54: Make sure the akatsuki sees this  
55: Sharpen his Razor without asking him  
56: When he is shaving, yell: GOOD MORNING ITACHI  
57: Hide the First Aid Kit  
58: Make his toothpasste explode in his face  
59: Blame Hidan  
60: Start crying on him out of the blue, and when he askes you what happened, you ask him what the hell he is talking about  
61: Declare him the first official Akatsuki Wanker during breakfast  
62: Make him bread with peanut butter, syrup and marmite  
63: Force him to eat them  
64: Make him eat garlic and then spy on Kiba  
65: Tell everyone he and Kisame had a one-night stand  
66: Blame Orochimaru  
67: Cut off his hair when he is asleep  
68: Make it look like Hidan did it  
69: Send him flowers, tagged With love, Sasuke  
70: Whenever he wins a fight, spray him with a fire extinguisher and declare he was on fire  
71: Rinse it off under a meltwater watterfall  
72: Put salt in his coffee  
73: Give him a Sasuke plushie for halloween  
74: Follow him like a shadow  
75: Steal his favorite plushie and gve it to sasuke  
76: Videotape the result  
77: Read him from the book cinderella  
78: Give Him a cat  
79: Make the entire akatsuki call him Tachi-chan  
80: Say you like the new nickname  
81: Kick him and point at Kisame  
82: Sell his cloack online  
83: buy it back and give it to sasuke  
84: tickle him  
85: Wake him up every morning by pouring icewater in his boxers  
86: Tell him his so-called evil smirk looks like a rat with a mask  
87: Present him with a wedding ring and say Orochimaru sent it  
88: next, send him a wedding dress  
89: make orochimaru wear a tux and blame itachi for that  
90: videotape it  
91: ask him why his hittai-ate (headbang I believe) is scratched  
92: Ask him Why? every three seconds untill he reacts  
93: then sayWHAT?  
94: Bump into him every time you see him  
95: Count his sweets deeds in front of kisame, hidan, sasori and orochimaru  
96: write them down and nail them to a wall for everyone to read  
97: Teach him history of the dark ages; the tortures revealed, whilest declaring his victims dont sufffer enough  
98: Make the entire akatsuki read this  
99: Make sasuke read this  
100: Make sure Itachi sees the videotape you made in the process  
101: Write a Yaoi fanfic about him  
102: Tell him its Orochimarus doing  
103: Throw snotballs at him when hes training  
104: sisguise yourself as Itachi and annoy Kisame  
105: Let Itachi take the beating  
106: Do everything he askes you wrong  
107: Declare you are independent, then be him not to leave you and walk away crying  
108: Do said thing in public  
109: Make sure Itachi gets to read this

There, the end. See ya peeps later !!


	3. Sasuke 117

117 Ways to get Killed by Uchiha Sasuke

1: Tell him you love Itachi  
2: Paint his pants pink  
3: Blame Naruto  
4: Steal his underwear while hes sleeping and spread it all over the hokages faces  
5:Videotape his reaction  
6: Tell the entire village he masturbates first thing every morning to get his heart started  
7: Sing the Happy song every time he tries to open his mouth  
8: Hug him at random times  
9: Scream his name everytime you see him  
10: Spread pretty pink, white and yellow flowers all over his bed while hes asleep  
11: take pictures of it and spread those through the village  
12: Videotape his reaction  
13: To make it up with him, present him with 20 free classical ballet lessons  
14: Videotape him in a tutu  
15: Make Itachi join said lessons  
16: run into him when hes on a mission  
17: when hes in the bath, walk in on him  
18: Refuse to go away  
19: when you finally leave, steal his clothes  
20: Tell sakura he loves ino, and ino he loves sakura  
21: while youre at it, tell naruto sasuke and gaara are getting pretty close lately  
22: Thow a party at sasukes place  
23 Dont tell sasuke about it  
24: Invite the entire akatsuki  
25: Invite Gaara, temari and mummy guy  
26: Write a Yoai story about him and Naruto  
27: Blame Kakashi  
28: Paint I love Itachi On all of his shirts  
29: Jump on his back when he is training himself  
30: when hes taking a piss, appear behind him and ask what hes doing  
31: pretend to watch over his shoulder  
32: then run off, screaming how terrified you are of worms  
33: make Naruto use his sexy no jutsu on him  
34: Videotape it  
35: Ask jiraia to dedicate his latest EXTREME come come violence to Uchiha Sasuke, my cutest muse  
36: give kakashi the book  
37: Tell him its a present from sasuke  
38: Videotape his reaction when he finds out  
39: Make him play strippoker with Ino, sakura, temari, tenten, lee, naruto, kiba, shikamaru, chouji and kakashi  
40: Make sure he loses all the time  
41: then run around screaming AAAAAAAAAAAAH, MY EYES, MY PURE VIRGIN EYES !!!!  
42: Tell him Itachi said hi  
43: Tell him youll do his makeup tomorrow, cuz todays looked soooooooooo bad...  
44: State that hes got a zit on his nose, even if he hasnt  
45: Read his Diary  
46: Steal his teddy bear  
47: give it to lee  
48: tell lee its sakuras  
49: perform a jutsu on it, so itll scream Im SASUKES TEDDY when sakura touches it  
50: Follow him everywhere  
51: Make him fall asleep in town  
52: Get him into narutos house and stripp him to his boxers  
53: cook all Narutos ramen and cover sasuke with it  
54: write Gaara was here on his face  
55: Tell Naruto his house is on fire  
56: Enjoy the show  
57: videotape it while youre there  
58: Sell his underwear on the internet (to his fangirls)  
59: say Naruto did it  
60: Brag around in town that YOU were the one that advised him that Pink boxer with red hearts on it  
61: when he askes you about it, play innocent  
62: Tell neji sasuke wants some styling tips from him  
63: Get him to fight you, then scream : RAPE !!!  
64: Start crying all of a sudden, and when he asks you whats going on, ask what hes talking about  
65: Ticle him awake every morning  
66: Steal his shoes  
67: Tell him hes got some gel on his ear  
68: then wink  
69: Ask where he was yesterday night, and if he too had heard the hammering noieses from narutos house  
70: Do so in public  
71: Write a fake letter from Sasuke to Lee in witch he declares his undying love  
72: Make the entire village read it  
73: Get him an akatsuki cloack and tell him it matches his eyes  
74: paint his toenails light blue  
75: When hes showering, turn on the cold and hot cranes very quickly afer one another  
76: Tell him hes fat  
77: then eat all his chocolate  
78: Steel Chojis Chips and blame sasuke  
79: Talk about how dreamy and cute Itachi is all day  
80: Steal his hittai-ate (I believe that means headband)  
81: Accidentally scratch it  
82: Blame kakashi  
83: Give him a cd of my chemical romance and a razor sharp knife for his birthday  
84: Tell him youll always be there if he needs you  
85: do so while hes training  
86: when he gets grumpy, ask if its his Time of the month again  
87: Make sure Naruto hears that  
88: Ask if he actually likes Itachi  
89: Dont take no for an answer  
90: Get his fangirls in his bedroom  
91: Videotape it  
92: Show it to Ino and sakura  
93: Aks if he enjoyed the company  
94: Make the toilet explode when he comes near it  
95: Blame him for leaving his explosion charms everywhere  
96: go tssk at him whenever he hns  
97: kick him in the ass and say you couldnt help yourself  
98: when he gets mad, reming him hitting girls is not polite  
99: Show him all his videotaped moments  
100: Videotape his reaction to that  
101: Show the entire tape in the village cinema  
102: Dye his hair yellow  
103: then call him sunshine  
104: make him sing  
105: Record it  
106: play it on the town speakers  
107: send a copy to the akatsuki  
108: Get him a cat  
109: make up new (cute) nicknames for him  
110: use them as much as you can  
111: Inform Naruto and kakashi of them  
112: Make the entire village of konoha read this  
113: Make the akatsuki read this  
114: Make said groups also watch the video  
115: Make Sasuke read this  
116: Videotape his reaction  
117: tell him you still love him

Well, that was it, I hope you enjoyed it. DONT STEAL THEM, YOU BASTARDS !!! ILL PERSONALLY KILL YOU !!!


	4. Neji 125

125 Ways to get Killed by Hyuuga Neji

1: Ask why he dresses up as a boy  
2: Dye his hair in random happy colours  
3: then arrange him a mirror  
4: Tell him he shouldnt break his head cuz of all the branches that are in there  
5: Nudge him at random moments  
6: Hump his legs  
7: Do said thing in public  
8: Put a spider in his pants and announce a breakdance demonstration  
9: Explain the word happiness to him  
10: make sure naruto hears it  
11: When hes in the shower, steal his clothes  
12: then break the batroom window  
13: tell his fangirls he is in there  
14: Sit back and enjoy the show  
15: Laugh at him whenever he says something usefull  
16: write a lemon about him and Choji  
17: when he asks you about it, blame Lee  
18: Start singing under his bedroom window when hes trying to sleep  
19: When he comes out, throw a bucketload of water at him and tell him to chill  
20: Then Notice he is wet, and ask if he had a little accident  
21: Offer him a pink, fluffy towel  
22: Take a picture of him with said towel  
23: blow it up to postersize and spread it through the village  
24: Paste toothpaste all over his face when hes asleep  
25: Draw pretty flowers on his Hittai-ate (forehead protector)  
26: When in public, tell him you liked what he and naruto were doing yesterday  
27: when he gives you the odd look, wink and tell him it doesnt matter if he doesnt like girls  
28: complain about the noise they made  
29: Ask him if he sold his soul to the devil  
30: when no is your answer, ask him Why else he would have a satan sign on his forehead  
31: Ask him if hes a member of the emo club yet  
32: If not, sign him up  
33: Hide his headband in tentens underwear drawer  
34: Tell him Lee did it  
35: Videotape the result  
36: Surprise him with a Best dutch songs ever album  
37: Make him listen to it all day  
38: Start humming the songs whenever he can hear it  
39: Watch southpark with him and telll him he looks like Cartman  
40: Tell him he looks like your 7 year old sister  
41: Declare to the entire village that you gave him singing lessons, and that he sounded like James blunt  
42: Take pictures of him when hes asleep  
43: Sell them on the internet  
44: Throw his boxers at Sasuke  
45: then point at him and scream he shouldnt have forced sasuke to wear them on his head yesterday  
46: then sigh, and mention that you would have done the same if neji came at YOU with THAT whip...  
47: tell them they DO have to be more silent next time  
48: ask if they are in love  
49: if they answer no, tell everyone they are in denial  
50: Videotape it all  
51: Play spin the bottle with him and his team  
52: get a positive magnet stuck in the neck of the bottle  
53: Make nejis hittai-ate negatively magneticall  
54: After its his third turn, cover your eyes and scream you are not ready for this  
55: When hes asleep, dress him up like a girl and take pictures  
56: leave the makeup on  
57: desrtoy all reflecting things on his path  
58: In between these, sell the pictures  
59: enjoy the show  
60: Style his hair so it looks like Kakashis  
61: then declare you liked his old way better  
62: Show him the girly pictures  
63: Videotape his reaction  
64: Cut the legs of his bedd and place the bed back on the loose halfs  
65: dare him to jump on his bed and try to touch the ceiling  
66: Hide the First Aid Kit  
67: Ruin the lock of his bathroom door  
68: walk in on him when hes bathing, and declare you wanted to be sure if hes really a guy  
69: then scream  
70: Throw all his Champoo in the toilet and flush  
71: Get the hell out and videotape that what follows  
72: when neji comes out, make sure all his clothes have diappeared  
73: Offer him some of yours, and give him a dress  
74: Videotape that  
75: Anounce hes gonna be starring in the new Come Come Paradise volume Jiraia wrote  
76: Also, state Gaara had been sleeping overmany times lately  
78: Kick him in the crotch and ask him why he whines about it  
79: Tell him that was the best Lazy town imitation you had ever heard  
80: Videotape this scene  
81: Give him a baby born and tell him hed make a good mum  
82: Ask whos the father  
83: Start laughing at the answer  
84: Tell him he is beautifull  
85: Sing the three blinde mice everytime he uses his byakugan  
86: Steal his pillow, sit on it and refuse to get off  
87: Snuggle up to him when hes asleep  
88: then wake him up by yelling RAPE !!!  
89: Tell Lee Neji hits on Sakura  
90: State that he should be more like his dad  
91: Draw I love my Headon the back of his pants when hes training  
92: Tell him you didnt have enough paint for Just one, tiny branch...  
93: Show him a picture of Gai an a bathing suit  
94: Make all clocks in his house fast four hours  
95: then declare him konohas legal longsleeper  
96: aks him if that suits him, or if wanker would be better  
97: when hes peeing, tell him he shouldnt do that to the poor tree  
98: call his fangirls  
99: then shout ECCHI!!!!! (pervert)  
100: switch his headband with Gaaras  
101: Blame Naruto  
102: Enjoy the show  
103: And while youre at it, catch the whole on tape  
104: Steal his pants and paint them orange with red flames  
105: then scream that nejis on fire  
106: watch the firefighters try to kick out the flames  
107: tell neji it could be worse. I mean, a man would be dying right now...  
108: Scream loudly and jump on his back whenever he opens his mouth  
109: perform a jutsu on his toilet, so it screams what he is doing in the bathroom loud enough for the entire village to hear it  
110: when he rushes outat you, innocently point at lee  
111: destroy the counter-jutsu scroll  
112: Read this checklist through the village speakers on the 30th of march  
113: Tell tenten he loves her  
114: send hima wedding ring, tagged with love, SnG  
115: Make it be followed by a wedding dress  
116: Hide a box of condoms in his bag, so they fall out whenever he opens it  
117: Write a loveletter from him to sasuke  
118: put tampons in his toilet, then invite all the chounin to his house for a thee drinking contest  
119: Tell them neji has been a bit grumpy the past week  
120: when he complains, hush him and tell him you understand  
121: put a punaise on his chair and ask innocently what he and Gaara actually did last night  
122: Make him read this checklist  
123: Show him the tape you made during the game  
124: Make the entire village watch it  
125: Tell him you understand him

Well, that was it for today my loves XD


End file.
